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Improving Individual Crime, Pedophiles!

2009-12-23 01:17:47 by azrag

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Hello children its you old pal Mike. I just need to tell ya all about a growing threat to society.......... PEDROPHILES!!!! wait...... spelled it wrong... oh... pedophiles. These guys are growing in numbers because of a friendly system called the internet. Whats the internet you asked. Well its simple Jimmy the internet is a series of tubes that allow porn to happen on your computer screen, or to buy used blowup dolls. This internet young Jimmy is being harvested by an underground creature who rarely comes out of the home and prays on childrens during the night. Have I scared you yet? If yes keep reading, if not go outside spread eagle in your lawn then let the fear commence unless your one of those fucked up kids that likes that sort of stuff... Either way this story is not for the little Jimmys who are asking to be raped... NO! Its for the cute underground pedophile creatures that need proper guidance on not getting caught by famous pedo hunters like parents, teachers, Chris Hansen, Oprah, your dog, and me. But sometimes the people who we think are trying to catch these interesting people are really trying to get rid of all the pedophiles so they can have the children to themselves. Call me paranoid but have you seen the way uncle Jerry stares at you when he reports the pedo man across the street... Well Timmy lets just say thats called pedo jealousy. You are such a home wrecker aren't ya Timmy. I would explain to you pedo marriage but their rituals are a bit graphic for your young ears to handle.

Okay lets get to the juicy part of this alright I watch to catch a predator alot! And i am ashamed of you guys. I love the underdogs all the time which means i lose alot of money in sports gambling but i don't lose hope or my wife (to a black guy... sniff its been tough). Most of you go in with your heads held high thinking you caught another pokemon (oh yeah pokemons = childrens. New rule obey it). But little do you know this pokemon is way to powerful for your six pack of pokecans of bud light and your pokelatexcondems. Because the holder of these pokemon is Chris Hansen. Who is undefeated at this clever game. Most of the men leave with their tails tucked between their legs and get carried off by the pokemon authorities because they were having coronal relations with Mr. Hansens Pokemans. See Timmy one day you might be like your Uncle Chris who knows that once he annihilates all the pedophiles he can finally have you in his multi-million dollar basement.

Now is the part where i give you creatures some tips! For you roleplayers out there think of this as gaining experience for your intelligence and speed. The knowledge you receive will make you a level 50 Pedobear equipped with plasma rifles and the uss enterprise where Scotty can beam you out when things get hairy. STEP 1!!!!!!!! Go on the internet and ask the said female or male childrens if they are CHRIS HANSEN! If they say no they are telling the truth because children never lie and neither does Chris Hansen. STEP 2!!!!!!!!!! Once we have established no Hansen then we begin to the romantic side of things. Say things like, "hello have you seen the new Twilight movie Edward is smoking hot". OR "What time do your parents go to work" OR!!!!! "HELLO IM A 40 YEAR OLD JEW MAN! I AM IN NEED OF YOUR SERVICES!! I WILL BRING OVER LUBE AND MY ROOMMATE. IF I HAVE TO PAY A DIME ON YOUR SERVICES I WILL DUMP YOUR ASS FASTER THAN UPS CAN SHIP (WHICH MAY TAKE UP TO 7 BUSINESS DAYS!). PLEASE RESPOND AND THEN ILL SHOW YOU SOME NUDES KKK.". See that wasn't so hard now was it (no pun intended.). Now that step 2 is outta the way we move on to STTTEEEEEPPPPP 3ve. Alright so you sweet talking the childrens Timmy what do you do next? Timmy of course replies with a "you write down their information and call the police on them for soliciting pedophilia". OH Timmy im sorry thats the wrong answer i know you miss your parents but im gonna have to put you back in the basement with Mr. Ted the angry Asian business man to have another cream filled pop sickle does that sound fun? "Yay i love trident layers and product placement!". That a boy Timmy! But yes Timmy was horribly wrong guys STEP 3!!!! you must write down info and find the address in which this youngin lives then dress up like a nice gent with a trench coat, a star fleet standard phaser and best of all cum stained slacks. Now your ready and if they live in a big city in some rich neighborhood dont worry its not a trap silly!

Okay now we concluded perfecting the art of finding kids on the internet but there is a more simpler and cost effective solution for all you frugal kid shoppers. Now Christmas is coming up real soon (unlike jew Christmas which is now i think) and your buddy Steve wants a present that will last him a lifetime and his wife left him because he was to much of a queer for her. Put two and two together baby and you got a local child. Okay so you guys gotta remember LOCATION LOCATION LOCATION! I will give you several locations. Day Care, Houses, Neighborhood, Supermarket, Walmart (steal 1 get single mother free), local schools, stolen babies by darkies. The list goes on and on but sometimes it takes a bit of innovation! So you found a location now comes the easy part. Go to walmart and purchase skittles, rock'em sock'em robots, twilight, pictures of their parent tied to a chair and kids bop 8 gold collectors edition. Okay nice they are in your windowless van SWEET! NOW WHAT! Remember all those hours playing grand theft auto didnt go to waste. Drive off into the sunset and have a happy ending....

Hey folks Timmy's back! And he has a message for you "remember guys there is nothing sweeter than my snatch!"..... Wait your reading from the wrong script Timmy that is the captured female script, I TOLD TOM TO MAKE MORE COPIES! GEORGE IS UPSET!!! "Its okay i will learn improvisation which Mr. Roboto told me downstairs is great for making the pop sickle melt in my mouth much faster". Good god Timmy you just made an old man proud *sniff*. Go for it Timmy give out your message to these kind hearted folks of injustice. "I want you all to know that although i was separated from my parents at 12:30 PM in the local walmart and am currently located at the address of 6969 N****rtits ave.. You all have a responsibility to us kids to continue your journey into places forbidden. Angry Asian guy let out his heart and soul to me as he claimed his wife left him for a black man. Which brings me to my next point. Mr. Dark Obama people stick to your own race. Yours truly Timmy.". Oh my god Raymundo this little fucker just gave out our address quickly man get in the van! Oh and before we run remember to bring the childrens back to the parents because its not stealing if you give them back its just borrowing. THE END.... IS ONLY THE BEGINNING LOLS!

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.


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