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Improving Individual Crimes, Prostitution!

2009-12-23 05:05:26 by azrag

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.

Hey everyone its Mike. I have been warned about the threat to America!!! Prostitution!? Okay wait what? Come on this is bullshit really...... Well lets say I have an entire guide on how to perfect the art of prostitution without getting caught. You are probably wondering where I obtain this information. Well let me tell you its a compilation of movies, personal experience, masturbation, Letting cops feel me up, and watching the black employees at kfc sneak a chicken wing in their mouth. So what does this make me???? AN EXPERT! I have more than 12 years of experience in this field which would make me a Dr. Of Pimpin! Im so black it hurts. Anyway in the next part i will explain the fundamentals of finding the perfect woman or man for a one night stand. Proper amounts of money to give them and the tip. Remember Prostitutes are not portable atms and if they happen to allow visa debit cards simply slide it down the hookers tits and your golden. Before we go on this is made for the desperate man who never gets love from his wife and all he wants to do is put it in her ass. Ready GO!

So stud i see ya made it this far may i see your package? WHOA! STOP RIGHT THERE. When a hooker wants to see your package show her the dead fetus you ordered off ebay that came from ups. In my experience this is how you tell if they are cops or not. If they run away they are obviously cops, but if they stay you both can fuck and use the dead fetus as a condom if you didnt bring any. I consider dead fetuses reusable condoms that will never break on you. OH WAIT! I almost forgot all hookers are equip with menus and have a wide selection of treats to look over. Also quick tip look for a dollar menu if there is none simply look for the cheapest dish available. I personally would recommend the fish fillet... problem is the fish is about 20 years old and smells terrible but hey ya get what ya pay for am i right! Alright once she is done taking the strap on dong out of your butt you realize you have fallen in love with this slut. You then should proceed to ask her for her hand in marriage. If she refuses use chloroform take her to your rat filled basement and marry her down there and let mr. Gimpy the gentlemanly rat marry the both of you. Also make sure she is tied up and awake during this process and be sure to video tape it and put this shit on youtube.

Easy huh? Well I skipped a step the problem is introductions. First impressions are everything to a hooker. So what you need to do is put some scented candles in your car and be sure to be playing romantic music like "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley (their downstairs will be wetter than a waterfall that smells of gay fish). Make sure you have tinted windows and wear a grin that says "im confident with fucking black-asian-mexican-white hookers with tons of STDS". BTW I recommend for the cheap asshole out there to get Trident layers and mold them around your cock if it reeks of salmon so the hooker will enjoy sucking your stick of disco, as it is called by the young whorish hipsters. ALSO! Something even more important to work on is your O face. Make sure you look as if you just came in your pants the whole time while putting it in her wet cave. And say OH YEAH OH YEAH like a women the whole time while fucking her. Because if you really want to marry this hooker you gotta show her you can change in 5 seconds and apparently prematurely cum in her creating babies yay!

Are you amazed at how much you have improved your understanding of this brilliant crime you lonely bastard. But im sure your asking "what if the hooker did a terrible job and used to much teeth!". Well thats when you ask for a refund or kill her. Now dont jump the gun and kill her alright! First ask politely for a refund and claim your dissatisfaction for the product between her salmon legs. If she declines ask to speak to her manager. If she has no manager or refuses go ape shit on her slut ass. say "what the fuck you hooker I dont always drink hooker blood but when i do i prefer it in dos equis". Bust out that chain saw and cut her into nice little pieces. Once this is complete call up the most interesting man in the world and drink some dos equis he will respond to tell you "stay thirsty mai boi!". After you and Bill Clinton enjoy some Dos Equis vampire hooker edition you will then proceed to a gay bar after realizing you are through with women.

I think i may have blew your mind with no teeth just now. How you might ask did i figure out the perfect formula to paying hookers, avoiding cops, killing hookers, and winning the battle for mankind against machines... EASY I watched American Psycho, visa rewards commercials, Two and a Half Men, Fight Club, Borat, And Billy Mays infomercials. Lets just say if you take this free advice from a man with street smartz you may learn a thing or two dawg. I am the Snoop Dogg of white men. Nizzles everywhere are trying to bring me down by paying more taxes but wont let them touch my mother fuckin 401k biatch. See im in the same leauge as snoopy i tells ya. So remember fellas its about trying to save money on these women okay! And have a happy ending and a wife you can bring home to your parents with a ball gag and ass chaps on. I thank my readers for their viewership because it allows me inspiration to continue to give great advice and make life terrible for others. And I want to thank our sponsors that dont pay us jack shit because they are jews. Heres a quick word from all our sponsors! Sprint The Now Network... because Right Now were working on milking you for all your money like a hairy jew man. Trident Layers the longest lasting gum (0.523 seconds to an android thats almost an eternity). "Hello im a Mac" and im a pc. "hey pc guess what!" what??? "I have no viruses and i cost an arm and a leg to purchase." So tell your users to stop going to malicious porn sites with their grandma on them. "Will do mr. jew pc". Tired of your N*gger not doing the proper amount of work he should be doing? Then get the battery every slave owner trusts to power the cotton field Duracell TRUSTED EVERYWHERE SLAVE OWNERS STILL EXIST. UHH okay we have the greatest sponsors in the world spreading their message of bigotry and hatred. I want to conclude its about the quality of hookers you find. Its the quantity of hookers you can keep in your basement for an extended period of time. Thanks and to all the men still reading this "beat dat pussy up!".

The Stories and information posted here are artistic works of fiction and falsehood. Only a fool would take anything posted here as fact.


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